Beyond Borders & Balance

Mental health around Christmas

Lots of people think that Christmas is the best time of the year but the lead up can be very stressful especially to the people who are spending it alone without anyone to buy presents for or to even sit down and have a meal with. Well that was my Christmas twice in a row I didn’t have any family to spend it with or anyone to have over to have some food with me. I would try to keep in the Christmas spirit by having the food and also playing some songs as well, but it wasn’t the same as being able to wake up to someone and see the smile of their face while opening the thoughtful gifts I wrapped for them.

Sadly I don’t have a parent to spend Christmas with either so I was alone but I wasn’t completely by myself as I had my dogs and cats to keep me company which acted as a nice silver lining from all the stress and depressive symptoms flaring up.

The point of me writing this isn’t to have people feel sorry for me or try to get that sympathy vote, its to let people know that sometimes giving a neighbour a card or even a slice of Christmas cake can go a long way. Just remember to be kind to others and that the little things can caused a big positive impact of their life.

Mental health break

I recently felt overwhelmed with life as a whole, work was stressful, family life was stressful, just everything was making me feel so stressed out and I realised that I needed to get away from anything and everything.

So I said “Fuck it” I took myself to Salcombe which is by the sea and beautiful hikes to go on. This was my first solo trip I have taken which at first I was a little nervous about and my main concern was feeling lonely but honestly when I arrived at the hotel I felt at ease especially knowing that I could always drive home in around two hours time.

The first night: I went for a walk around the place to explore what it was like during the night time which I took myself to a nice pub for some food which they accidentally made a little error with my food instead of giving me a starter and main they just gave me two starters instead which was a bit of a let down but life continues. After the failed nice meal out I found some of the farmers had placed some lights around the grounds for Christmas time, in the picture below sadly it doesn’t do it any justice so please forgive me.

The next day I wanted to do some shopping which I ended getting some Christmas pressies for some people.

After shopping I wanted to explore the place even more so I took a boat across to the other side of the beach as you can follow different trails one which led me to the fields I saw lit up the night before which the lights look very different to what I saw in my head

As you can see they look kinda like dandelions ready for a nice gust of wind to spread the seeds across the land.

After exploring some more around the local places I decided to call it a day and go back to the hotel to relax.

The point of the whole this is to make sure you take time out of your life to just switch off and fully enjoy sometime away from daly problems, weather you choose to do it with people or if you choose to do it alone (like I did which honestly is really fun). We all need to give ourselves some self love and we all need to learn to fully relax. I’m not saying you have to escape for a weekend but just remember to be kind and to learn to just enjoy life as much as we all can. You might even learn something about yourself and the area around you as well

My mental health journey

I sadly developed depression at the age around 5-6 years old after my parents got divorced. After that happened I wasn’t aloud to express emotions, talk about my feelings or even have a thought.

I didn’t know what life was supposed to be like outside of the home life or school life both of which I didn’t find any enjoyment from being apart of because any home I would just get shouted at and when I voiced I wanted to live with my dad instead I would simply get told that “I would die” followed by “Do you want to die? Because that’s what will happen if you move in with him after he sends you to a terrible school which all the students will break your arms and legs then they will stab you everyday till you bleed out! Is that what you want?” Sadly this was a common occurrence and after that I realised I wasn’t aloud to speak or voice anything in that household again.

I spent the rest of my early life raising my older brother and sorting out all my moms adult problems and issues, including any relationship she got into which always ended with “all you men are the same just pieces of shits” which she happily said to her to two young boys.

While growing up I didn’t know what depression was or why I felt tired everyday and didn’t see the point anymore to do anything but sadly I was forced to put on a front because if I didn’t then I would get shouted at and told “I’m an ungrateful piece of shit that’s doesn’t deserve happiness”. This was how the first 12 years of my life went till things got even worse for me and my brother.

We used to live in a city called Worcester which is where most of my relatives live at still today but then we got forced to move to Somerset because of a school our mom thought would magically set us up for life and magically open up every door in the world which we all knew was he being delusional. The school is very well known for helping Olympic athletes and other sports professionals to gain a career but apart from that the students weren’t the best and they only cared about one thing which was money, they believed that it was the sauce to being happy and the only thing that truly mattered in life which is also why I didn’t fit into the place because all that I ever wanted was to be truly happy and to find a way to escape the two worlds I was now trapped in on which was a terrible home life which was made even worse due to my mom dating a raging alcoholic who would happily join in with the verbal abuse towards us and he was happy to try everyday to get us removed so he could steal all of her possessions and keep it all for himself (yes he only cared about money and living in a made up world they both created).

After he cheated on her twice and all of the family and friends persevering she finally got rid of him but he didn’t choose to leave without wanting some cash so he kept an account (which was in his and my moms name) and stated he wouldn’t sign the paper unless she gives him a certain amount of money, that was his last attempt to gain some money as a good bye present. Sadly he got what he wanted and gained a large sum of money.

Fast forward to when I turned 18 – 19 I left home and wanted a fresh start which I finally learnt what life is like outside of the place I was raised in and I learnt that my upbringing was wrong and it should never have happened. I have now made loads of friends and made loads of connections as well which has made me experience true happiness but sadly that was short lived as I met me first girlfriend who was very manipulative and controlling which she would never admit due to her living in a fantasy world she created (you know when people say you are attracted to people who match people you grew up with well sadly this was it). Me and my friend wanted to join the army as it was a life long dream of ours to achieve but sadly she kept on controlling me and wasn’t letting me join this went on for 8 years of my life. To make a long story short when it came to the end of the relationship she knew that it was going to happen which she decided to accuse me of a serious crime which has been known for putting innocent men into prison. I still struggle with trusting women in that regard but I’m currently going through therapy in which to help me get through the trauma which she put me through. Thankfully during that time I had friends which happily supported me and comfort me while my mind was racing and going through therapy changes and acceptance that I am not a criminal it was just her way of trying to get her own back at me and couldn’t care about the repercussions or the stress it would cause me to go through. We finally broke up and after six months of working hard on myself I finally felt comfortable being around women and able to trust them but still not to the extent I used to (It’s now been over two years and I still struggle with trusting women after it).

It has now been over two years since the break up and I finally feel better within myself and have the confidence to put myself out there to try and find someone to have as a life partner but there is still that little doubt which lingers in the back of my mind which I don’t know if I will ever be able to fully shake off or I’ll just have to learn how to cope with it.

This is an ongoing story and I will update it as my time goes on.

What workout split is best for me?

Well the best workout split you can do is one you can stick to consistently, here are some examples:

If you can only train three times a week with a day gap you can do full body three times or you can do a push (exercises that only target a pushing motion), pull (exercises that only target a pulling towards you motion) and leg split.

For four days a week you can do lower body, upper body, lower body and then upper body again or full body X 3 and one day of cardio or push, pull and legs then a break then full body

For five days a week you can do upper, lower, upper, lower and then full body

For six days a week you can do push, pull, legs, push, pull and legs again.

There’s are all examples you can use to follow or you can create your own split that works best for you. Just remember that they are all different depending on the your fitness goals that you want to achieve

How I gained my first client

So when I first started working at a gym I had no idea on how to gain clients or how to even approach people on getting them to sign up with me when all my coworkers have got way more experience, knowledge and they’re a lot more known in the fitness industry especially the gym I work at.

I had made a banner which talked about hydration during the summer time and stood near the entrance with different hydration drinks and asking people which ones do they believe is best for value. After trying this for a few days no one was interested in even talking to me or even having a go at trying to place the bottles in the correct order.

So I made a new banner one which was advertising myself and what I offer for people, which then made me realise that I shouldn’t try so hard to get the first client and most of the time it’s down to being at the right place at the right time and knowing that I can’t be at the gym all the time my banner could be. After trying for a couple of weeks I had a email from someone new to the gym that wants me to train them. I was so happy with that the banner worked and all my hard work is finally paying off

When you get that first client it’s very easy to gain another one afterwards because people will recognise you and see what you can do with individuals and how you interact with them as well.

Fast forward another month I had gained two more clients both with different needs and goals which made it more exciting that people are happy to approach me and ask fitness questions or ask about prices and what I offer them in terms of training, nutrition advice and if I can offer them training online as well.

Don’t be discouraged that you might not have enough clients to start with just remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that it takes time to gain the knowledge and find out what works best for you, then learn to love the process as well it’s all a learning curve at the end of the day.

Starting a personal trainer business

After i studied and gained my qualification, I wanted to start my own personal trainer business but I had no idea how to start a company or even where to look.

I asked a friend for some help which they wrote me a list of things I’ll need to do to start the business. The list included: logo, slogan, website, equipment, insurance, business name and registering as a sole trader.

So I first made my logo which took sometime and experimenting because I wanted it to be unique and to also standout from the crowd like what makes it different to others out there. I also looked at other businesses from different industries such as Apple, Windows, BMW and so on which after I looked around I realised the companions which are well recognised and well known are the ones with the most simple logos they aren’t too complex or difficult to identify.

So I used the best thing my friends which helped me by giving feedback which I learnt about what colours are more appealing to the general public and which ones people didn’t like. After that I had my finished product a combination of two colours which people enjoyed and put them together which make it very memorable.

The business name was pretty simple for me to make it’s simply my initials and then the word “Fitness” behind it which was a very easy choice for me to make.

With the website I found I don’t need to make one because I have made all the forms on my phone so I can simply send them across to people which are interested and I use social media to show the results my clients have made.

With the insurance I simply just searched and looked at the different ones to find the one that’s perfect for me and what I want to achieve.

Registering as a sole trader, so here in the UK the government website can be difficult to navigate around especially if you have dyslexia, so just ask a friend or a family member for some help or you can ask your local council for some advice.

Before trying to gain your first client you should ask yourself the following questions:

How can I become approachable?

How can I make people want to hire me out of everyone else in the industry?

What separates me from other PT’s?

What problem can I solve for people?

Why should they use my services compared to all the others which are already established?

How much should I charge people?

What am I going to charge them and what comes with it?

Should I offer package deals or just a simple monthly/weekly subscription?